I am a murderer, I am a savior, I am a farmer

I am a murderer, I am a savior.

I am the assassin, I am the redeemer.

While one hand slices, the other one soothes.

One hand drips with blood;

One hand drips with sustenance.

I am a contradiction in motion.

The paradox.

Oh, the absurdity of it all!

Or not.

Because, I am a farmer.

Because, I am a chef.

Because, I am a mother.

In less than one week, I have saved six lives,

(Only to lose one I desperately tried to save.)

I have also taken four lives.

Oh, the illogicality of it all!

Or not.

Because, I am a farmer

– a damn good one.

I am dedicated to growing and pasturing,

slaughtering,

and preparing and serving and eating the animals I raise.

With, and only with, the utmost compassion and

respect,

Because,

I am a Farmer, I am a Chef and I am a Mother.

Because it’s Important.

I have never killed anything in my life.

I have never saved anything in my life.

To do both in one week!

The headiness could make one feel arrogant;

Ha!

I feel humbled.

I feel human. I feel authentic.

I am a farmer.

This is how hunters, gatherers, farmers, chefs, mothers, fathers, tribes, entire cultures have been surviving and thriving since the beginning of mankind. Since the beginning of life, the beginning of fire. This is what our great-grandmothers did to feed and nourish their children every day.

This is what I came home from France determined to do: to sustainably and humanely raise chickens and rabbits, to create a permaculture farm in my backyard and to cook great, fresh, organic food for my family and friends.

I am a farmer.